Theory on the Millennium and the Second Coming

28 November 2009

Well, this is something I waited for, and have been waiting for.  I was prepared for Y2K, for whatever it might have brought. I had food, water, ammo,  and had been ordained as a minister beforehand- all the bases were covered. I am still wondering what happened.  I have a theory.

Some millennialists, theologians, end-times enthusiasts claim that, because the bible was written so long ago, dates and times may be off. This is the explanation we began hearing on the morning of January 1st, 2000. They said the return of Jesus may in fact be in the year 2002, 2006, 2009, maybe even 2011 (December 24th perhaps). I will continue using the year 2000 as my benchmark, as it supports my theory, which is this: Jesus came back, saw how we had messed everything up, decided he had done enough in the past (remember that whole cross incident?), and went home.  Simple.

But what would his father say? Hmm. Another simple answer, ala Southpark: “I sent you people my only begotten son, and he’s never been the same since.” (As Jesus twirled around, alone on a swing, staring off into the distance.) No wini, wici, widi. Rather wini, wici, defugere.

Its an explanation. And we humans need explanations. And I guess there is always the Tzolkin and the Haab; maybe the Maya have the answer.


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